February 14, 2008

Pocket Full of Junk

This weekend I saw an advertisement for Hot Pockets Calzone, the company's "heartiest sandwich yet."

"This is more of what you're hungry for," it exclaimed.

So I went ahead and investigated just what Hot Pockets offers and, if anything, my hunger immediately disappeared.

Per the box for the four meat and four cheese calzone, one filled pastry pocket is enclosed.

It is illustrated as two halves on the box, so we can truly appreciated the myriad of melted processed cheeses oozing out.

Oh, but there's another crafty reason for that illustration.

Although you are buying one calzone, the nutrition information on the back defines one serving as HALF a calzone.

Do they truly expect someone to heat one of these up and eat the other half another day?

This is the kind of food that becomes a horribly textured mess after sitting out for too long. Imagine it undergoing reheating?

In any case, all the nutrition values on the back need to be multiplied by two.

Alas, here is what you get when you eat "two halves" of this "hearty" new sandwich (which, mind you, is advertised mainly as a snack, rather than a meal):

600 calories
26 grams of fat
10 grams of saturated fat (half a day's worth)
1500 milligrams of sodium (two third of a day's worth)

A pathetic four grams of fiber
(pathetic for a 600-calorie food)
26 grams of sugar (assuming ten or so are naturally occurring in the cheese, that's still a tablespoon of added sugar!)

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