The Cleanse That Makes No Sense

I have recently come across a number of people asking me about -- or telling me they were on -- the Master Cleanse/Lemonade Diet, so I figured, "why not blog about it?"

If you thought I was put off by proponents of food combining, you ain't seen nothing yet.

It all begins with The Master Cleanser, published in 1976 by Stanley Burroughs, which should appear in the dictionary next to the word "hogwash".

Make that unhealthy hogwash.

It simply consists of consuming nothing but an atrocious-sounding concoction of freshly squeezed lemon juice, maple syrup (oh, I’m sorry, Grade B maple syrup) and cayenne pepper six to twelve times a day for at least ten days.

That’s right, the real hardcore cleansers are on this for up to 40 days!

Oh, I forgot to mention that sometimes “laxative teas” are recommended, as is starting your morning off with a 32 ounce glass of lukewarm water with sea salt in it.

Yum! What a wonderful event to look forward as you drift off to Slumber Land each night.

Forget “Master Cleanse,” the real name should be “The Masochist Cleanse.”

Seriously, why anyone would willingly drink this blows my mind.

In any case, proponents claims that this is the only way for your body to "detox" by releasing toxins stored in fat cells.

The cleanse, they say, and particularly the cayenne pepper, "physically loosens" the impacted toxins in your colon that have been stuck to your intestinal walls for weeks, months, even years!

Gasp! Shock! Eyeroll.

Clearly, the proponents have never read about that wonderful machine known as the human body.

After all, the kidneys and liver are the main detoxifying organs.

The kidneys are responsible for the production of urine, which is basically the lump sum of all the waste and leftover junk from metabolic processes.

There is no need to do any further detoxing.

If anything, the best way to keep everything moving through your body is by consuming sufficient amounts of fiber and staying hydrated.

This is, in essence, a very low calorie (and very disgusting tasting) die that adds up to roughly 1,000 calories a day.

Proponents claim these three ingredients provide all the nutritional requirements.

Really? The three ingredients offer no protein, monounsaturated fats, Omega-3 fatty acids, Omega-6 fatty acids, fiber, folate, B6, or B12, approximately two percent of the daily value of vitamins A, E, and K, and a measly quarter of a day's worth of potassium, iron, and calcium.

The only nutrient obtained at or above the daily requirement is manganese.

Like with all other very low calorie diets, you can expect to gain the weight back when you begin ingesting solid food and consuming more than 1,000 calories.

File this one under "unhealthy liquid fasts that should be banished from mainstream culture."

And The Most Unnecessary New Product Award Goes To...

Snickers Charged.

A "limited edition" Snickers bar sprinkled with caffeine, B vitamins, and taurine "to help get you through the day."

Snore.

Okay, let’s break this down.

A regular Snickers bar adds up to 280 calories, 14 grams of fat, 5 grams (25% of a day’s worth) of saturated fat, and 30 grams (7.5 teaspoons) of sugar.

Snickers Charged comes in at 250 calories, 13 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 25 grams of sugar.

The lower values are simply because Charged is smaller in size than its regular counterpart. The folks at Mars Inc. have not gotten more health conscious.

Anyhow, Charged tacks on 60 milligrams of caffeine, 250 milligrams of taurine, and 10 percent of the daily value Vitamins B6 and B12.

Can you say underwhelming?

That same amount of B6 can be obtained from half a cup of avocado, one can of tuna, a single ounce of sunflower seeds, one quarter of a chicken breast, a quarter cup of fortified cereal, or half a banana.

As for B12? Ten percent of the daily value can be found in 1 egg, ¾ cup of milk, 1/6 cup of fortified soymilk, 1 ounce of cheddar chese, 1/5 cup of Cherrios, 1/12 cup of Total cereal, 3 ounces of chicken breast, an ounce of shrimp, or HALF an ounce of lean hamburger meat (remember, a serving is three ounces).

Snickers Charged is not providing hard-to-come by nutrition.

Besides, B vitamins in and of themselves do not provide energy.

The amount of caffeine in this product is also nothing spectacular. A tall latte at Starbucks offers more.

Drinking a cup of coffee with a regular Snickers basically provides the same caffeine total.

Now let’s talk taurine.

Although it is found in seafood, dairy, and meat, it is a non-essential amino acid. In other words, our bodies naturally produce it. There is no need to seek it out in the diet.

One of its main roles is regulating the cellular transport of sodium and potassium ions.

There is no scientific body of evidence linking it with central nervous system stimulation.

Frankly, I'm more than ready for this whole "energy" functional food fad to burn out.

Soda 911

After much buzz, Pepsi has finally launched Tava, its new "vitamin enhanced" calorie and caffeine-free sparkling beverage drink, largely aimed at the female 35 - 49 demographic.

A lot of money and effort has been dedicated to Tava.

It's no surprise. Over the past two years, soda sales have been slipping.

Consumers are instead reaching for just as sugary, but healthier sounding beverages like Vitamin Water or artifically sweetened drinks in fancy glass bottles containing trendy fruits like pomegranate and acai.

Not surprisingly, soda companies are fighting back, no-holds-barred style.

The New York Times recently profiled Tava's alternative marketing strategy -- bypassing traditional media and instead focusing on online advertising and music and art festivals in certain states (among them Colorado, New York, Washington, Florida, and Utah).

Pepsi definitely spent a lot of time -- and money -- dressing up what is basically flavored sparkling water and aspartame with with lots of pretty accesories.

First we have the vitamin factor, clearly thrown in to compete with Diet Coke Plus.

Tava offers 10 percent of the daily requirement of Vitamins E, B2 (riboflavin), B6 (pyridoxine), and a trace mineral known as chromium.

What's the chromium fortification all about? Personally, I think it's just part of the "exotification" of Tava.

Don't get me wrong; chromium is an important mineral. It teams up with insulin to help cells take up glucose and thereby maintain blood sugar levels.

Some recent research also suggests possible links between chromium and heart health.

The good news is that chromium is easily available from whole grains, vegetables, raisins, legumes, nuts, chicken, seafood, and dairy.

Since it is found in many foods and a trace mineral, chromium deficiency is extremely rare.

It is mainly seen in hospital patients on tube feedings, pregnant women, and people whose diets are very high in processed foods.

People eating a variety of foods do not need further supplementation.

Then there's the three flavors.

We're treated to "exotic" names like Mediterranean Fiesta (black cherry citrus), Brazilian Samba (passion fruit lime), and Tahitian Tamure (tropical berry).

In an attempt to class up the joint, Tava's website offers "suggested food pairings" for all its drinks.

For instance, if you're sipping on Mediterranean Fiesta, you're suggested to do so while nibbling on dark chocolate truffles or BBQ spare ribs.

But wait, there's more! Tava comes with a grassroots focus as well.

The website features emerging artists and musicians, and displays "inspirational" messages reminiscent of those often seen on Senior yearbook pages like, "sometimes it's okay to think inside the box, " "set your mind to shuffle," and "what if what if didn't exist?"

Oh, and if you're wondering what Tava means, the Frequently Asked Questions page proclaims that the name was created to "evoke feelings of possibility and discovery."

Do you think Tava will be a hit in Pepsi's roster or a beverage bomb like their Crystal and Blue varieties?

Everything that Sparkles Is Not Gold

Diet Coke Plus -- the current "it" drink among the young Hollywood crowd, if you believe the Coca-Cola PR wizzes -- will soon appear in a supermarket or convenience store near you.

And don't you dare call it a soda! According to the marketing gurus, Diet Coke is a "sparkling beverage".

Jumping on the Vitamin Water bandwagon about five years too late, Coca-Cola will now offer their classic diet soda with 15% of the recommended amounts of niacin, B6, and B12, and 10% of the magnesium and zinc daily values per each eight ounce can.

Despite a massive push by vitamin companies, most of us do not need extra dosages of vitamins and minerals if we eat in a balanced and healthy fashion.

I would only really advocate extra dosages to people with absorption deficiencies or, in the case of Vitamin D, to people whose exposure to sunlight is limited (we can't rely on food alone to get our Vitamin D needs).

It is very rare for healthy adults to be deficient in the vitamins and minerals present in Diet Coke Plus.

Niacin, by law, must be added to all bread products, a staple in most everyone's diet. B6 and B12 are mainly found in protein-rich foods, and given the protein overload in the United States diet, there is little reason to worry about these two vitamins.

Zinc is found in many animal products and is also added to nearly all ready-to-eat cereals, which millions of people have for breakfast.

Keep in mind, too, that you can get the same amount of zinc in Diet Coke Plus in just one ounce of pecans, or a cup of yogurt.

Ironically, Diet Coke still contains phosphoric acid, which, as I explained in issue two of Small Bites, decreases our blood calcium levels. Now THAT'S a mineral many people, especially women, are not getting enough of.

If you enjoy Diet Coke, feel free to continue to have it once in a while. However, do not for a second think this new product is a health food.

If you're a Pepsi fan, you too can have unnecessary extra vitamins and minerals when their very own Tava drink is released later this year.